I have written this post many times and in many ways, erasing everything and starting over, and over, and over. Though I’m still fearful to share this, my dominant feeling is that itโs exactly what I would have loved to read a year ago today, and thatโs why today is so special. Today marks one year since the last time I had alcohol.
Alcohol used to be a big part of life, almost by design. There were kegs and red cups in college, happy hour drinks in corporate America, and bonding over beers on the backpacker trail. Celebrating something? Letโs have drinks. Going through something difficult? Have a drink to take the edge off. It’s your birthday? Drinks! The sun is setting? Have a sundowner. It’s game day? Have a beer. Going to Tuscany? Have some wine. Going to Tokyo? Have some sake. There was always a reason.
I wanted drinking to be something casual and easy. I craved that feeling that other people seemed to get. They opened up and laughed a bit more, they described it as a nice, warm, and fuzzy feeling. Honestly I donโt know what being drunk feels like. I just know what wanting more feels like. I know what having a hangover feels like. Other people can stop after one. They can stop after two. They feel good after one. I canโt comprehend the point of just having one.
One day I finally said it out loud:ย What if I gave up alcohol? Why donโt I just decide with each passing day that if itโs been a good day and my life is getting better, to go one more day without having any?
It was pretty hard to think about giving it up for my entire life, but I could take it day by day.
So I sought outside help and support to get through it. There were times when it was really hard, but now itโs been a year, and most of my fears around giving up alcohol never came to pass. It’s actually been the single most life-changing decision I’ve made. Even more than quitting my job to travel and starting this blog. Honestly.
This is easily the most vulnerable thing I’ve ever shared publicly. It’s scary. And yet every time I do open up to someone about it, they donโt judge me or make me feel like a failure, they tell me something that they are struggling with. It turns out we all have our demons.
What we see on social media is so perfect and curated. We almost never talk about the dark times. But if Iโm not on this Earth to connect with others in the spirit of honesty and the search for a better reality, then I don’t know what the point is. Life is like a video game and I feel the way to keep leveling up is to talk about our struggles and triumphs. Eliminating alcohol has been a big part of finally seeing the light for me. Life got better. The holes alcohol left behind filled up with love. These are the things that changed:
My Work
Everything from my website traffic, to my social media following, to income increased after I made this decision. Part of it has to do with the amount of time I can now devote to it, and the quality of that time. Here are the changes:
- Blog traffic is up by 54% from this month last year.
- Over 1200% follower increase on YouTube, which I mainly owe to putting more time and effort into trying to grow it.
- I launched BMTMAdventures tours.
- My business expanded and now I have an awesome full-time assistant.
- We have an incredibly supportive community of solo female travelers on Facebook. This is becoming so much bigger than just me and I’m thrilled!
Iโm approaching this with so much more love and appreciation now. I feel the connections more and I’m no longer doing it for me, but for the work itself, and I know that has to be making a big difference. I didn’t feel this kind of love or community before. I was sealed off from it and that had everything to do with how I treated myself and my body.
My Health
I didn’t expect the shift in my health to be so dramatic. It amazes me the way that my muscles retain their tone more, I donโt put on fat as easily, and I am literally in the best shape of my life, stronger than I have ever been.
I’ve also found that one healthy decision begets another, and I listen to my body a lot more now. I cut way back on my coffee intake (which spiked right after I cut alcohol, as did sugar), and very recently switched to an entirely plant-based diet as well.
I worked out so much in my 20s, eating healthy, and always wondering why I couldn’t get more abdominal tone. Now that I’m 32 I have the answer: Treat myself better.
My Relationships
I was the most worried about my social life. I feared being an awkward penguin at parties, or that people might stop inviting me to do things. I had some friends who were only party friends and we don’t talk much anymore. That’s okay.
However my closest friendships are stronger and more meaningful now, and the new friends I’ve made are people who I go way deeper with. I never have to question if someone (or I) only said something because she or he ‘was a little bit drunk.’ It’s all real now and I love that.
It’s also important to mention the relationship with myself. I no longer mistrust myself. I no longer put myself down. I actually notice when I do these things because I’ve started paying attention. My mind got a lot sharper and I have more clarity now, so that’s made introspection that much more illuminating and at times, painful. But I deal with it now, I don’t run away from it anymore.
Drinking to feel better, drinking to celebrate, drinking to have fun or to be social – that’s the easy road. Feeling my feelings full-on without any crutches is where the real growth has happened.
How I Travel
Traveling without social drinks was another big area of uncertainty and fear. I wondered if people would be less inclined to talk to me or I’d feel like the odd woman out. It turns out that I just hung out with the drinking crowd before because that’s where I fit in, but now that I’ve changed my intentions, I still find my tribe.
I don’t meet people in the way that I used to – in hostels and over beers – but I still meet plenty of people nonetheless. I find them in retreats, cafes, yoga classes, day tours, randomly on beaches, on hiking trails, and in buses. I don’t miss skipping bars, and I don’t feel uncomfortable ordering a tea at dinner while others order a beer, and neither do they.
I’ve actually come to find that the only people who are bothered if I’m not drinking are others who might be worried it’s a problem for them, too, and that often leads to them opening up to me about it, so it’s actually a good thing.
How I Spend My Time
I’m finding so many more amazing things to do that don’t involve alcohol, like ecstatic dance, learning to play the cello, and pole dancing. These are things I didn’t search for before, but it turns out plenty of people love being social minus alcohol.
I have a morning routine now that gives me structure, I have people over for dinner, I go out and play, like really play, and wake up for the sunrise and catch the sunset more often now. I still love concerts and dance clubs when the music is good. I just walk right into the middle of the dance floor, dance my heart out, and leave when I’m tired, high on nothing but endorphins. I was doing it wrong before, endorphins are the shit.
Sometimes I look back on my life and wish I’d looked for help and support about this sooner. Sometimes I feel sad that alcohol was such a big part of my youth.
I also know that every step I’ve taken so far led me to here, and I wasn’t ready until a year ago to make this decision, so I’m at peace with it all now.
It’s not my intention in sharing this to make anyone feel like they have to do what I’ve done, to put down anyone’s life choices, or to suggest that you need to do the same in order to find peace and happiness. You’re on your own journey.
It’s not always roses and rainbows. I still put in a lot of work and painful self reflection too, and I don’t do it all on my own. I’m grateful to have a support system. It’s not easy to face life full on without any crutches.
But it is a worthy experiment, which is what it started out as for me. If I do this, will life get better?
Yes, yes it will.
Barb says
Good for you!
Aaren Griffith says
You are such an inspiration to me ever since I found your book. I actually gave up alcohol for the most part beginning this year. I never had a big issue with it but I want to enjoy every moment in life with a clear mind. I don’t like the fuzzy feeling or the dehydration feeling after drinking. AND I wanted to treat my body like a temple like you mentioned in your article. You provide me with so much wisdom and I love reading your blogs! Keep up the amazing inspiration!
Kristin says
Aw thanks so much Aaren! It’s interesting, I don’t know if I’m just hanging out with more people now who are more into health, if it’s just because we’re all getting older and wiser, or what, but I’m meeting a lot of people who are making the same choice simply because they realize it doesn’t add anything positive to their lives. I think it’s great!
GG says
Congratulations on your achievement! It is isn’t easy so you certainly deserve to be recognized for it, even just for added support! Hope you celebrated it somewhere with one of those incredible fruit shakes you made like you did in your morning routine video! You walk the walk, not just talk the talk and that is why you have become an inspiration to so many and a success in what you do, no matter what hiccups might come your way. No one is perfect, and to be able to look at yourself honestly and not run away or hide from your problems is both brave and strong. There is so much to say that is great about this and you last several posts. And as I have said before, you have never come across in my mind as being nothing other than generous about sharing your experiences and not telling people what to do. It helps that you share, set a great example, not dictate.
As for alcohol, I have always kept it at a distance and was the designated driver (although usually my friends did not drink much at all). The peer pressure was incredible but so glad I did not succumb to it because I would have been drinking because of others, not because I wanted to. It helped though that I was a nonconformist and was frightened of losing control, so kind of lucky than skillful. I am so lucky that my kids are this way too. It is good to be a nonconformist in this way, I guess! Instead of alcohol though I used to avoid issues and pain by denying the problem even existed, putting on a blindfold. That was a demon of mine that can be hurtful in relationships. I am happy to say that I am better about it now, better to deal with it now and have the guts to face it than meet it on its terms down the road! There is always room for improvement, and I occasionally find myself hiding again, but thanks for inspiring me to be brave and strong and to like myself more. And for reminding me to appreciate the now.
Thanks for using your growing success, and public reach to spread love, and motivating people (especially females) to better their lives in their own way, with you as a great template to build from.
Lastly, having a life coach with the objectivity and skill sets or something equivalent is a great idea. I know of situations where the life coach and friends work together to help, each providing his/her unique talents. And for everyone reading this it is popular everywhere now, not in specific geographies (although more in urban areas, but even that is changing and there are different names and variations for it if I am not mistaken).
Oh and lastly, you look great Kristin! You look content and so strong from the pole dancing to the free diving, to all the mountain hiking and adventurous travel. It is a holistic thing, if you don’t do it that way one part drags the other. I see it in my friends who work out all the time and then when they finally dropped processed foods, and soft drinks (and alcohol) see the pounds shed away and since they eat healthy nutritious foods lose weight and gain muscle mass (most importantly they feel strong and empowered). Plus their blood sugar is now spot on. It doesn’t fix everything and some of it is genes, but why make it harder on the body beyond what it has to deal with already? Other than my bad sleep habit, I feel better now than I did when I was in my teens. The body does communicate to you, just like with friends and loved ones, one hopefully strives to be a good listener.
Kristin says
Thanks Gil. Yes I think that there are a lot of sneaky addictions that we might not realize we have, one of which can be denying and running away from problems which as you know makes them come back tenfold. There’s food, love and attention, technology, and so many more things than just the obvious and I never really looked at it until recently. Baby steps!
GG says
Absolutely agree, some journeys can be a real challenge, sometimes requiring baby steps forward before eventually getting to your destination. And even then you have to be aware so to avoid going backwards :). I wish you continued success with your self improvement and with the challenges life hands you. I wish this for everyone here. You are so right also that this is one thing (unlike traveling) that can’t best be done alone and hope your efforts to help others like Emily are successful. You have your own support system and now you are helping provide one for others, so awesome. Whoever saves one life…it is as if one has saved an entire world.
Trey says
One day at a time………everything changes, yet everything remains the same, no reward, no punishment, simply becoming authentic, becoming the witness to all that is, perfect, brilliant, stillness…….
Sheena says
Wow!
Remi says
I am not sure I am getting the reason why you stopped alcohol. Did you have medical issues with it?
But I guess the main thing is that you feel better! =)
I just have the feeling by reading your post that it is trying to convince people to stop even enjoying a drink (maybe I am wrong please do not hesitate to correct me) such as amazing glass of wine from your year of birth that you could get as a wedding present. I guess we all have addictions but for me the key thing is NOT to go to extreme decisions or actions. As an example to try to explain, a friend of mine was obsessed with healthy vegetarian food, sport and work. As a consequence of doing to much sport and having an extreme diet and work stress, he had health issues.
Everything is poison, nothing is poison… It mainly depends on how much you get.
I think I understand the essence of your article but it gives me the impression that everyone should do the same even if there are obvious health benefits of not drinking and having a better diet. I guess your new diet looks to suit you perfectly, but it might not the case to everyone following you.
This is just my personal opinion regarding this topic and other than that I really like your posts and I do like following your adventures on Instagram.
Kristin says
Hey Remi, It was my hope that this part of the post helps to explain that I really don’t think everyone needs to do this, too:
“It’s not my intention in sharing this to make anyone feel like they have to do what I’ve done, to put down anyone’s life choices, or to suggest that you need to do the same in order to find peace and happiness. You’re on your own journey.”
There’s a common misconception that I want to clear up from your comment, though. It’s not about denying yourself a glass of wine if you don’t have any issues with alcohol. For you, not going to the extreme is a possibility. For many people, it’s not a possibility. It’s not about self control. We are just not wired the same.
I don’t have issues around food, but if I did binge and purge, then I might need support for that. It’s not something that I go to the extremes with, but some people do. We are all built differently, so I think it’s important that we support and show compassion to each other.
This is just my story, in case someone here reads it and sees themselves in it, too. It won’t resonate with everyone, and that’s okay. I’m glad you like what you see on instagram and my other posts ๐
Emily says
Iโm writing this while nursing a completely unintended hangover. Went out for โone drinkโ last night, but like you, I canโt just stop at one. 4 glasses of wine and 3 shots later – I was a little more than drunk.
But I donโt know how to stop. Iโve tried the โIโm not drinkingโ and an hour later, Iโve got a glass of wine in hand. I donโt drink other than when Iโm out, but as a solo traveller – thatโs far too often.
It doesnโt help that I canโt drink soft drink, and in Germany, itโs almost cheaper to buy a beer than it is for a glass of sparkling water.
I very rarely drank before I moved to Europe and I so so want to go back to that mindset. How did you find help?
Thank you for posting this, itโs so good to know that it is possible to stop.
Kristin says
Emailed you ๐ If anyone else is interested in the resources I used feel free to comment ‘me too’ here and leave your email address in the denoted comment field. It’s visible only to me.
Deb says
Me too
Thank u Kristin. Xo
LA says
Me too.
Cath McManus says
Me too.
Bridgett says
Me, too.
You have inspired me!
Thank you!
Darletta says
Me too
Kristin says
Hi all, for me what worked was AA and especially refuge recovery.
Nancy says
This was a very brave post Kristin. It’s great to read you have found a new and more fulfilling life without alcohol. I struggle in this arena as well so I can truly relate. Would you mind sharing your path?
Kristin says
I don’t mind at all! Emailed you.
Imani says
If itโs not too late. I would love this email as well. Thank you!
Kristin says
Never too late ๐ I’ve since written a post talking about the program I used, I hope you find it helpful! https://www.bemytravelmuse.com/how-to-get-sober/
Aliya says
Thank you for writing this!!
I drank heavily while in undergrad and since i graduated, Iโve been putting out the idea that I want to stop drinking. I continued to party when I still lived in my college town for a couple months, and managed to have only 5 total beers over the course of 3 months for an internship. Now that Iโm back home before I travel to the Philippines to volunteer and Indonesia to enjoy (your site has helped me SO much and shouted you out on the blog Iโm creating partially for my travels), Iโve been drinking casually, but definitely less than I did before.
I easily succumb to peer pressure bc I want to be low maintenance and have fun with whoever Iโm around. I can control my habits and only have one or two, but have never truly gone without and would like seeing how my body feels.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences, they are so appreciated!
Kristin says
Aw thanks for sharing Aliya! I think the good news is nothing has to be a forever decision, and you aren’t high maintenance at all if you just choose a beverage without alcohol over one with alcohol. However I recall going dry for a few months back in college and it really seemed to bother people! Now that we’re all a good decade older those same people are super supportive, but it’s an interesting thing to remember now that you mention it.
Enjoy your time abroad! Those are two FANTASTIC countries and I can say from firsthand experience you can enjoy them without drinking at all ๐
Bill says
Aloha Kristin,
Congradulation & Well Done, that is so bad ass! Seriously!
When I speak now, I have this amamzing story about โThe Meetingโ I attended, to celebrate my 25 {yrs} of sobriety!
I am thrilled I got to meet the person, I did [this You]. You Rock Young Lady!
You ever swing thru The Islands, iโll buy You a cup of coffeee [if ya got the time].
And itโs nice to know, my Higher Power has a sense of humor, given the spelling of my last name! Ha Ha!
Please give my Best Regards to Peter & Jaguar [Jen] on Your up coming Adventure.
Best Always
Bill
Teresa says
Hi Kristin,
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I am 23 months sober and can relate to so many of the situations and sentiments you have expressed here. It’s surprisingly comforting to see the struggles and successes written out in black and white. It is also very motivating – thank you again!
Kristin says
Wow almost 2 years! Good for you, and thanks for commenting. It’s felt so good to know I’m not alone.
James Clark says
Congrats on the 1 year, Kristin! It’s an amazing anniversary to know you can go through every occasion of day of the year without having to drink. My life is unrecognisable from my former life of drinking, so glad you are seeing that too ๐
Kristin says
Hey James! Thank you for your guidance <3
Jill says
Would love more information on the resources you used to quit.
Kristin says
Emailed you!
Los Arina says
Me too please Kristin! Great read by the way, thank you for being so honest. I’m 31 now, who knows, maybe next year I’ll have a similar tale as yours! Have quit alcohol on two occasions for a few months last year, but so far have always slipped back to my old habits… despite feeling amazing physically and mentally during those sober periods! Thank you for sharing ๐
Kristin says
Emailed you!
Kim says
Greetings Kristen,
This was an absolutely wonderful and inspiring read. Your honesty and vulnerability is refreshing. For the past 16 years I have been a bartender, and as you can imagine I drink a bit more than the average person, mostly every Friday and Saturday, sometime during the week as well. However, I have decided to take the money I saved to open a bar and start traveling instead. Currently, I am working relentlessly on making a career as a travel writer/blogger.
I am leaving for a 3-month trip to SE Asia November 1, When I came across this post, I was thinking about doing a sober trip. Now, I am more than thinking about it. Last weekend was the first weekend in a long time that I didn’t drink with my customers and although it has only been since last Tuesday 7/24 since I have had a drink, I already am feeling the benefits. I plan on continuing this path right through my trip. Thanks for giving me that little push. Safe Travels Friend!
Kristin says
You can do it! It’s an amazing road to travel without that risk and crutch ๐
Mimmie says
Hi Kristin, Thanks for having me on your FB group.
I love your honesty. I can relate to so many things. Hopefully I’m not going to bore you with my story hahhaaa
I’ve always admire other Bloggers traveling the world and would never in my wildest dreams
thought I would ever start a Blog. I’m in the Financial industry all my life and started my own business (Fin advisor/Broker) nearly 25 years ago. I worked 24/7 and neglected my hubby and children as I was always working. All my life, I read about Travels, adventures and dream about it. I have a passion for all things Adventurous and Travel and at beginning of this year “The Penny dropped” when I read a Post from Anna & Tom (Adventure in You). For the past at least 3-4 years I hated my job but couldn’t quit. Life lost it’s meaning. Alcohol became my companion years back, especially when I was working long hours at night and on weekends. I stopped drinking for 2 years and on a trip in China, I started again. Then my
daughter of 20 tried to commit suicide by hanging herself. By the grace of God I discovered her and although she was already unconscious I prayed and Prayed and that night in hospital she wake up and had no brain injuries. One of the things she mentioned afterwards was my drinking. I was a Binge drinker and never realized the bad effect it had on them. I quit again for a year, started again (trip to Turkey), came back drinking now and then and stopped again.
I’m in the process of selling my business and trust God to hand it over end of December so I can start with my new Venture Full time. As you say Money is not what’s important but to live life. I KNOW this will work out. I’m use to hard work and must just Persevere. At the moment all the technical stuff is Mind boggling and I don’t get a lot of time to learn and work on it but as they say, Rome wasn’t built in one day. Hopefully we will meet in person one day. As for now I will follow you.
IF you perhaps can take a few minutes and check my Blog, I would really appreciate your feedback and suggestions (good or bad). Blessings!
Kristin says
Wow, what a moving story. The road to sobriety has so many ups, downs, twists, and turns. Good on you for making changes, even if you fell into old patterns, you learned something, and relapsing is part of the journey too. Best of luck to you, and your blog looks great!
Kait says
Thank you so much for sharing this. I am just over one year sober as well and itโs so good to know there are others out there sharing the same journey and navigating travelling this way. I too can relate to that feeling of not being able to stop at one drink and thinking โwhat is the point?โ. Thanks again for your vulnerability and proving that alcohol is not a necessary part of travel.
Kristin says
Thanks so much for leaving a comment, Kait! It’s so nice to not feel alone. Congrats on one year!
Peteytheskunk says
Me too.
uliana says
Inspiring story!
i am interested about resources too
thanks!
Sandra says
Congratulation Kristin!
I found your blog and just fall in love with!I am from Mozambique and you been here!I was very surprise and happy that you just be here and understund the way we live so quickly and truly right about what you like in my country! I am prepare my journey to conquer the world soon and will be follow your advice and tricks!
Do you have any issue with alcool?I hope not..
.its look like was something you cant avoid oi just say no on the past.Its sad if it is.I drink alcohol but when I dont want I just not drink!
Is very nice decision specialy for young folks!
Happy new year for you and always waiting for news on our blog!
Sandra
Kristin says
Thanks for the kind words, Sandra! I think for some people, it’s easy to just say no and for others, it’s not really an option once they start. We’re built differently ๐
Care says
I loved reading this post! It’s refreshing to hear and know others aren’t alone in their struggles. Would you mind sharing your resources with me?
Kristin says
Sure!
AL says
I also would love to look at the resources if still available.
Kristin says
Always available! It’s Alcoholics Anonymous.
Sonny says
Amazing work Krisitin! It’s great to hear that you’ve experienced such a tranformation in your life just from giving up the demon drink : ) I started my journey at the start of this year, after having a month ofof previously and realising how much better I felt. Are you still alcohol-free now? Psychologically, what would you say have been the most profound changes for you? I’m feeling good at the moment, although I still have existential doubts that pop into my mind now and again. They’re the only real doubts that I have about not drinking, but I feel more clarity every single day. Well done for everything. You’re an inspiration : )
Kristin says
Hi Sonny, yep! I’ve gone almost a year and a half now without drinking. I would recommend you keep a journal and note the changes with every passing month, because it becomes so easy to forget. Today I woke up suuuper early for a flight and it’s been a while since I had this thought, but I felt so grateful that I wasn’t hungover, and that I hadn’t felt a hangover for so long. The biggest change is I don’t have anxiety at all anymore. I do understand feeling overwhelmed by making a forever decision. The mind is a tricky one, especially where alcohol is concerned, so try to take it day by day instead. It’s easier that way ๐
Kunal says
2 weeks for me!! now searching the web to find others.
Leslie says
Hi Kristin,
Regardless of how you are now (i.e. maintaining sobriety or not) I just wanted to let you know how much Iโve appreciated reading this blog post. Itโs very helpful and inspiring to someone who keeps trying to be sober.
Kristin says
Aw thanks for saying that Leslie. I’m at 3.5 years now very happy to share. But every pitfall and step backwards is still a step forwards and I’m wishing you all the strength and the best!