I was recently talking to a friend of a friend who likes to psychoanalyze people. He got me pretty spot on, but just on a very superficial level. He observed that I travel the world, mostly alone, and like a lot of people, he was simultaneously impressed and troubled by this.
In one of my conversations with him, he expressed concern that I don’t seem to have a clear plan for my future. Others have expressed similar things, whether it be readers, perfect strangers, or quasi-friends.
(My best friends and family members know that I don’t operate on plans, so they don’t ask.)
Maybe you are reading this because people ask you that question, too. And each time you get it, you’re like, ‘I don’t know!’, but also have this odd feeling that maybe they are right. Like maybe you should have a plan. This uncomfortable thought definitely crosses my mind.
But I currently don’t, and I never will have a five-year plan. That doesn’t mean that I’m living irresponsibly and not saving up for the future, I am. But these are two different things.
Five-year plans are just mental insurance. It’s a way for people to feel good and secure without actually having any of that security whatsoever. When people have a plan, they think that means they know what will happen. This is just phantom security. Allow me to explain:
The ripple/butterfly effect
First, a story about a little something that blows my mind every now and then.
In November 2012 I met a girl named Yvonne in Chang Mai. The circumstances around why we were both free that night and why were both in Chang Mai when neither of us actually lives there are already random, crazy, and completely serendipitous.
We kind of knew that each other existed because of Twitter. We both happened to be using the service that night, realized we were in the same place, and decided to meet up.
Because she was wearing a shirt that showed off her back a bit, I happened to notice her tattoo and asked her about it. That is when she told me about the magical monk tattoo that she was going to get the following month. I ended up going with her, getting the same tattoo, and having an experience that bound us together as close friends ever since then. I actually only came to Berlin the first time to visit her. I fell in love with the city and decided to move here.
It is through a few of her contacts that I was able to get work during the first few months that I lived here, and I got me through one of the leanest times of my blog’s earnings. It is completely conceivable that I might not have made it through without that help.
Now I’m a resident of Germany, have even fallen in (and back out of) love with people whom I’ve met through her, and a lot of my friends are people who I have met through her friendship. A few of them she doesn’t even know, but one friendship led to another, and to another.
So basically, this one chance encounter changed my life. What if she hadn’t been in Chang Mai? What if she hadn’t worn a shirt that showed off her tattoo for goodness sakes? Where would I even be? What would I be doing?
The point of all of that is, you absolutely can never know who will come floating into your life, and conversely, who will go floating back out of it. Even small, seemingly insignificant encounters have the power to change everything, and you just can’t plan for that.
Rigid plans just cause stress
I feel like a lot of the reason why people ask me about my five year plan is because they are worried about their own future. It is really hard for them to understand the mindset of someone who just wings it.
The way I live my life does not fit any kind of mold that they understand. But honestly, if I made a five-year plan and things started to go in another direction, that could cause me a lot of stress.
Do I believe that I should be actively contributing to my retirement accounts? Of course I do. Do I think that I need to have goals? Absolutely. Do I think that it is healthy to say that I have to have two children and be in the exact career that I want within the next five years? No, that kind of pressure really isn’t for me.
Think about it, are you even the same person that you were five years ago? Do you even want the same things that you wanted back then? How in the world can you know what the person who you become in five years will want? Sorry to be morbid, but how can you even know that you’ll still be around by then?
On living for today
My inherent problem with a five-year plan is that it suggests that what we are doing right now is not beneficial enough, that there must be something more.
I’m addicted to the possibility of more just like everyone else, but I also think it is important to acknowledge that where I am right now is really good. If where you are right now is not good, don’t wait five years to change it, do something now.
Buddhists say the clearest path to peace and contentedness is to be in the moment as much as possible. It’s about mindfulness. So often we remember things as sweeter than they were because in the moment that we experienced them we were actually stressing about the past or worrying about the future. Mindfulness is something that takes a lot of practice and ability and it’s a lifetime goal in itself, really.
That said, those moments of flow, when we are in the moment, are so pleasurable because it’s all about living for right now. This is yet another reason why planning for something so far in the future just doesn’t seem to make much sense to me. How can we plan for a time of flow, a Eureka! moment, a stroke of genius, or a random job offer we never saw coming?
Instead of this 5-year, phantom security plan, might I suggest that instead of worrying about the future, to just trust in the journey? Know that you will figure things out if and when you need to. In a pinch, believe in your ability to pull through. Know that adversity does, in the end, typically make us stronger and more capable people.
So that is my long-winded answer to whether or not I have a five-year plan. No, I do not, and I don’t think that I ever will.
I will, however, to leave the door open for randomness, serendipity, and the potential to tap into possibilities that exist beyond my front door. that is my life plan.
Maricel says
I totally agree! 5-year plan is just too much..We should make a 4.5-year plan instead 😉 lovely wind-blown hair pic btw.
Michelle says
I thought this was a travel blog? 😉
I love this.
You’ve just lifted a weight off my shoulders… that I didn’t even know was there.
So much pressure on ourselves to be, and do, all these things. Yet the best parts of life (like meeting your friend Yvonne) can’t be planned or a goal.
Kristin says
Traveling involves a lot more than just in the physical sense, and I think that so much of people’s decisions to travel and change their lives have to do with the fear that it’ll ruin their 5-year plans. Plus, as a writer, I don’t limit myself. This is a lifestyle blog more than anything. Glad that you liked the post!
Michelle says
Oh I agree with you! I realized after I posted that comment that my sarcasm probably didn’t translate. :-O I am a kiwi, after all. 🙂
And I’m very happy to see the plethora of posts you’re posting now. Thanks!
Kristin says
Haha no problem 🙂
Rachel Elizabeth says
Your story about Yvonne really resonated with me. It’s crazy to think about all these chance encounters and how they impact our lives, making rigid plans obsolete or irrelevant. Loved the post. I have some major control issues myself and know I’d be a far happier person if I didn’t think about “the plan” so much. Thank you. 🙂
Kristin says
It’s really hard not to think about the future and what it could hold, so I understand stressing and honestly I do it too.
Ashley Fleckenstein says
I really enjoyed this post, Kristin – what a refreshing perspective! I definitely waste a lot of time trying to plan the next 5 years, which of course, is pointless. I think the five year plan is just a security blanket for most of us – it’s scary to admit that we ultimately have little control over what happens to us.
Kristin says
Exactly my feeling. You just never know who you’ll meet and what might happen that could change everything, so why stress?
Heather says
I can never plan for longer than a year in advance, and even then, my itinerary is pretty fluid. Life’s like that, so why resist?
Kassie says
Love this post! I’m type A and a commitment-phobe at the same time, so I really struggle with this one. Every part of me wants makes plans and then I continuously deviate from them because of the butterfly effect you mentioned. On some level I totally agree with you and as I grow older I’ve started to let go of those tendencies to want to have complete control. Maybe someday I can eliminate the plan all together 🙂
Kristin says
I understand wanting to have a plan and being in control. If only life worked that way! Then again, where’s the fun in that?
Dawson says
You nailed it girl, so many people live their lives with blinders on and never take chances or experience life itself and the possibilities that could be awaiting them. Live, Love, Help and imagine everything in life to the fullest, keep living the dream girl 😉
Image Earth Travel says
Great post! I’ve never had a 5-year plan and still don’t!
I first solo-backpacked around the world in 1985 when everyone thought I was mad but this experience cemented my addiction. Since then, I’ve always worked to travel and still doing this in my ’50s – I’ve never stopped really.
This trip has been the longest without a ‘job’ as we left Aus over 27 months ago, still on the road, and no end in sight. There’s definitely not a hint of a plan; my partner and I make it up along the way. I love the spontaneity and random people you meet when travelling this way. I doubt it would be the same with a regimented plan…life is not like that! 😉
Kristin says
How cool I would have loved to travel back then before ubiquitous wifi made traveling a bit less social!
Carly says
Love, love, love this post!!
I definitely don’t have a five year plan and find it hard to even plan more than a few months ahead, lol. Some of friends find that confronting and feel I’m drifting but in reality I’m waiting for things to unfold. To be able to grab those wonderful, random opportunities.
And I’m really working on living in the now and also starting to understand my life doesn’t have to be the typical, perhaps conventional, married with two kids kinda life……….not an easy thing when you’re in your late 30s!!
Kristin says
Totally understand that and I feel that way too sometimes, but I would also way rather live my dream than someone else’s impression of what a girl my age should be doing.
Ijana says
Yes everything about this post! I used to always have a 5 year plan drawn up, mostly for fun because I loved thinking of things I eventually wanted to do, but the plan changed every few weeks and now I don’t even bother anymore. I think often those plans let people give themselves permission to wait on doing the things they really want to do, because “they’ll get to in in year 3” or something like that. But then life doesn’t work out that way and they never get around to doing it…
Simone says
I am absolutely with you on this one!