A few months ago I started a personal Instagram account, apart from @bemytravelmuse. My main objective was to follow my friends, pole dancers, and to watch cake videos, because I wanted a break from all the travel stuff and cake videos are so damn relaxing, I canāt even explain it.
Everything was going pretty well for a while until, I guess, I searched a destination on my Instagram and now my explorer tab is full of travel couples and fake sunsets. Man, I was trying so hard to get away from that!
I still love Instagram for getting travel ideas, and watching cake decorating late at night on repeat (is that weird?), but I wish I could just make the explore function go away when I want to search for something. This got me thinking, is there an archetype for being insufferable on Instagram? I think we all know that there are posts that make us feel better, and posts that make us feel a lot worse. I can think of at least 7 of the worst offenders:
1. The Perfect Relationship Brag
View this post on Instagram
If success is defined by humility, then a good relationship is defined by mutual approval rather than needing the worldās approval, no?
While thereās certainly nothing wrong with celebrating love and taking pictures with your boo, I think we both know thatās not what Iām talking about here.
Iām talking about those Instagram couples whose account is solely dedicated to their relationship, who only post heavily edited photos of kissing, walking hand-in-hand into the sunset, or where the guy’s holding up the girl, while she literally dangles over a pool edge, in the name of likes and validation. Itās become so popular that there are tons of accounts just dedicated to relationships in hopes of making money off of it, or at least getting free hotel stays.
Why is this problematic? It makes it look like every relationship is perfect and beautiful all the time, but the reality is many of these couples fight like crazy while staging their love and devotion. It makes it look like you need to have a boyfriend with perfect abs to be a whole person. It’s a nice life perk, but if you’re not living your best life on your own, bae’s abs won’t fix it. This is where social media can get so tricky and bad for our self-esteem. We only see the manufactured good stuff (honestly would she be dangling off a pool edge if not for the ‘gram?).
Authenticity is a commodity.
2. The Low-Key Please Validate Me Brag
Oh snap. I think I’ve posted these before.
I took an entrepreneurship class in college taught by a mega-successful businessman. Something he said has always stuck with me:
āWhen things are going well, grumble. When things are going poorly, brag.ā
Every now and then I think we all deserve a chance to get to look at our accomplishments and share them, but there’s a difference between something that’s helpful vs. self-serving.
There are some accounts that are constantly talking about how far theyāve come, what a big deal they are now, and how great their lives are.
This is all fine when the post is actually helpful in some way. If there are some tidbits of information as to how one gets to that place, or golden nuggets of wisdom for other entrepreneurs, then by all means. But what about when all it serves to do is low-key brag?
Kind of like the perfect relationship posts, it seems to me that if things are going well, thereās no need to state the obvious.
3. The Savior ‘Helping’ Impoverished Children
View this post on Instagram
Weāve all seen it before: white girl goes to Africa, takes photos with African kids, posts it to her Instagram and people say āawww.ā
But what is this really? Is it a bid to actually help someone, or is it an opportunity to use someone elseās poverty to gain more fame?
The topic of voluntourism is an entirely different article, but the white savior complex runs deep and if one really wants to help the world, would it make more sense to empower locals instead, or maybe rethink how we approach aid in Africa altogether?
4. The Perfect Ass
View this post on Instagram
Girl, your ass looks amazing and I high five you. You clearly did lots of squats to get there and I have no problem with women feeling the body positivity. But I’m not really talking about women who post pics of their booties here, I’m talking about those who alter it for likes.
I have to ask, isnāt there more to women’s bodies than cleverly posing in ways and using apps that make other women feel inadequate?
Unrealistic body photos contribute to body dysmorphia in the same way that airbrushed magazine covers do. Frankly I wish I couldāve grown up in a world without all that because self-love is a lot harder when itās impossible to look like an airbrushed image.
So if you donāt naturally look like youāve had a Brazilian butt lift, fret not, itās often the result of clever camera angles and lighting, and maybe even a helpful editing app.
5. The Fit Tea Post
What can I say about this that hasnāt already been said by Jameela Jamil?
I’d rather someone shared a healthy eating plan with me than a tea that is likely to give me the runs, don’t you? Letās be on each other’s side and promote body positivity above all else.
6. The ‘My Life Is Perfect Let Me Tell You What to Do’ Post
I don’t want to personally call anyone out here, because I know a few of these, but I think you can fill in the blank. It’s the perfect image with a quote next to it urging you to do something each day that scares you, and the next day it’s a similarly perfect photo without any real connection to the caption, but since their life looks so perfect, they’ll keep pushing that myth without ever being vulnerable or real.
They wake up at 4am, meditate for an hour, run 10 miles every single day, have the perfect relationship, only stay in fancy hotels, have perfect abs, and have never struggled, felt insecure, or ate an entire pint of ice cream all at once.
And I just want to ask,
āBut have you ever let two weeks go by without using a Q-tip?ā
āDo you ever get bloated?ā
āDo you ever get that weird hair part down the back of your head?ā
I think a lot of these people live lives that don’t really measure up to what they portray, because nothing is perfect all the time, and we’d all be a lot better off with some raw honesty.
7. The Same Damn Preset. Again.
Is it just me or is every single travel Instagram post a clone now, with an insane sunset and a flock of birds flying by, a flowing dress and the exact same color palette?
I miss the days when imperfection and creative self-expression were okay.
I miss the days when everyone wasnāt going to Bali or Morocco, not that thereās anything wrong with going to either of those places, itās just that getting the ‘gram has become the new modus operandi for a lot of travelers and the photos that I see lately are more or less the same.
Again, Iām not hating because I donāt really have a leg to stand on here. I love taking photos too, mostly of myself, and I donāt think thereās anything wrong with that. I love teaching others how to become photographers, however my course heavily focuses on developing your own unique gifts rather than churning out one specific style.
I love to see more remote places, totally different artistic takes on destinations that I havenāt seen before, and people out being general badasses. Itās so beautiful to see when the travel dream is still alive and well, and itās about the journey and pursuit of originality more than all else.
I hope in this post it is clear that some of this is tongue in cheek and that none of this is meant to be a personal takedown of anyone. More power to anyone out there on the Internet making a living, being their own boss, and doing the damn thing.Ā I linked to my own photo to show that I do it too, because I think every now and then, we all like to brag a little bit. Weāre human beings, arenāt we?
But maybe, just maybe, it doesnāt hurt to have it pointed out that when we post with our ego itās not always the best medicine for the world.Ā Is it vulnerable? Is it real? Does it foster connection rather than sycophants?
I’m down for the real.
GG says
I laughed a lot through this one. While you touch on some serious, and important points, humor is a great way to convey your point strongly but nicely. You did that well here and thanks for the laughs. The “abs” thing is really true but hilarious and I crack up whenever someone says “look at that jawline!” There are so many posts about jawlines! (male perspective)
I agree very strongly about being careful about trying to “help” others around the world. Someone, even without a selfish motive or is exploiting, can do more harm than good. Unfortunately these days, the “saviors” have expanded to more than just white westerners. I have recently learned a lot about this from talking with and befriending people from around the world who actually live in these places and it is amazing how different a take you have on it after doing that. The problems that exist in their countries or communities that concerns them most is so different from what you hear in the media, I have learned so much. Like modernization and urbanization impacting the family fabric or sudden increases in rent, or even recently the anti-vac movement. I have had a couple of my new friends from afar worry about me here in the US when they hear about things in the news which makes me think things differently and it is very kind of them.
I have appreciated your input, Kristin, on this and how to travel and be smart about how to be a mindful traveler that can help others, like going local. That has helped me to consider more options for my destinations, try areas less traveled.
Unfortunately at the high levels, efforts to “help” countries ends up being about politics and getting countries to be dependent on you for infrastructure, etc. I wish one day a country with advanced technologies will “help” another country rebuild it themselves, with their own local works, and their own local businesses not foreign contractors.
Anyhow, I am the “look at instagram and Facebook but have no account freeloader.” A new category to add :). I just can’t get to join but people want me to look at their public stuff, so I do that. Other categories to add: “Regurgitate the same photo, but say it was posted yesterday”, “I am authentic, but are you really?”, and a big one that worries me “Look at me on the edge of the cliff!” and they really aren’t, it is just a photo-shop or an angle perspective that makes it look like it.
Thanks for being genuine. I hope your message of true authenticity and those like in the Ted talk spreads. Looking at cake designs is cool, whatever works for you! I really liked the cute cat, though without the paint :).
Kristin says
It’s great that you’ve had conversations with locals about their needs and desires, and especially their concerns! that’s what we should all be doing before ‘helping’.
Margot Baldwin says
inspiredtravelcouples actually makes me want to vomit, as do all of these you’ve pointed out. Great post, Kristin – keep it real sistah. I feel more and more strongly that instagram is indeed ruining travel… evidenced by alllll of the glam cell phone photoshoots I was witness to recently in Isla Holbox. SO MANY important people spending massive amounts of time getting that “perfect shot”. I actually noticed a couple of younger guys horsing around in the water near where we were camped because they were goofing in such a way you’d have thought they were doing it for photos but I never saw a phone in their hands, it was astonishing. How sad that is the exception these days…
Kristin says
Yeah on one hand I get it because I love photography too and it’s pushed me to some amazing places and made me appreciate the night sky and sunsets more than I did before, but sometimes getting the gram makes people misbehave and mistreat the environment to get the right angle, such a multilayered topic with so many aspects to consider.
Wiola says
Dear Kristin,
thank you for this dose of realistic thoughts. I believe I am living in a kind of a bubble, as I refuse to follow all the “successful” Instagram accounts. But there is a reason: they’re all the same. I realise of course they do post different things, but the vibe, the urge to show off is what make them alike. Oh! And that they are followed by millions.
I prefer to read a somewhat longer caption or comments around a problem, than to give my follow to those all-nice-and-perfect photo albums.
Some time ago, I consequently started to unollow the accounts which posted a well known kind of photo with a hand in hand frame with the person in the picture going forward, away from the camera, in a popular tourist/influencer destination (there is probably a name for this kind of stuff, but I really have no idea what it is). And u following for this one particular picture works perfect for me. Less feed which makes me think: this is bragging and copying what we already know too well.
Fortunately there’s a lot of input worthy reading, sharing and commenting.
Thank you once more for a very accurate analysis.
Well done!
Kristin says
I hear you, and I’ve been guilty of that!
Taylor says
All of this resonates for me, but especially the last point. I love Insta for some things, but not for making me feel like the point of travel is to get that perfect shot of myself in the perfect (impractical?) outfit. This is especially tough as someone who has always really struggled with body image and looked to travel and all the opportunities that come with it for moments of authenticity to take me out of that mental space where Iām focused on my belly or how much space my thighs take up.
Kristin says
I feel that. I’ve had those thoughts too and ugh they’re such a waste of time and energy.
Martin says
Good read. I can relate to a lot of your points! I Instagram is full of BS but even so it still is the least toxic of the social media platforms. With Twitter and Facebook I feel like a need a shower after reading not to mention all the doom and gloom.
I only follow people I like and don’t follow.for follow or like for like. That way keeps it a pleasant experience š