Even though solo female travel is not as uncommon as it used to be, people are still fascinated with the concept, and a lot of times, quite confused too.
Naturally a woman traveling alone raises a lot of questions, some of which keep coming up again and again. Whether you’re a woman who already travels alone or will be soon, these are some questions that we always get asked:
1. How can you afford it?
Girls, if you travel for any period of time, people are going to want to jump right into your personal finances. Some of us already know this to be true and others are about to find out.
It’s OK though, because if we didn’t travel we would probably wonder too.
But as anyone who has saved up to travel knows, it’s about having a goal and always coming back to that goal. That makes other sacrifices a lot easier and worth it.
And it’s not just privileged women who get to travel, either. Although that certainly makes it easier, here are some stories of women from developing countries and working minimum-wage jobs who managed to save up and make it happen.
➳ READ: How I afford perpetually traveling the world
2. How do you stay safe?
Women who travel know, the world is not such a scary place and people are mostly kind and good. As long as we do the things that we’ve been doing so far in life to stay alive, staying safe on the road isn’t that different.
It’s kind of wonderful to be able to tell someone that we feel safe abroad, that people have been kind and generous, and that we’ve become more capable, intuitive individuals as a result of our experiences. How great of a perk is that?
➳ READ: 41 safety tips from the experts
3. Don’t you want to have a family?
Oh my God, get out of my ovaries!
This is such an interesting question, because I don’t think the boys get it nearly as much as we girls do.
Not every woman in the world gets to have a choice about having a family or not, but as solo female travelers, we do. And hey, we can always decide to do so later. Or in many cases, we already have families and we still travel solo. Single moms, married women, and even grandmothers travel solo! It’s a beautiful thing.
4. Your boyfriend lets you do that?
‘Your boyfriend lets you do that? Your husband lets you do that?’
This question usually comes from a male who just cannot fathom a woman traveling alone. We get it, this is not part of their culture. But it feels really good damn good to say, with a smirk, ‘nobody lets me do anything!’
➳ READ: 25 reasons why women should never travel alone
5. What about dating? Isn’t that hard?
Dating is hard no matter what, isn’t it? Maybe it’s hard until it’s not, because you found the right person. But aren’t our chances better of meeting the right person by casting a wider net?
Can’t we do that even more on the road with all the new people we meet all the time? It’s all about perspective!
➳ READ: What’s dating like for women who travel
6. Don’t you get lonely?
Personally, this was my biggest concern before I started traveling alone. I’m a people person, so to be all by myself was a terrifying prospect. But then I came to find that traveling is incredibly social – how wonderful!
And yes, at times it is lonely. At times being at home is lonely too. Through traveling solo I have become so much more comfortable spending time alone, and now I look forward to it so that I can recharge. Maybe being alone isn’t so bad after all?
7. Are you worried about your career?
For my fellow Americans, a sabbatical/taking time off is uncommon. For Europeans it’s much less of a foreign concept.
Taking a gap year, a sabbatical, or a break – whatever you want to call it – doesn’t have to be a career ender.
There are so many skills that one learns when traveling — negotiation, communication techniques, logic, etc. — it helps us to work better in a rapidly globalizing world, and if we spend it right, this time abroad can be hugely beneficial on our resumes. And who knows? We might just come up with a new profession on the road. So don’t worry about our careers!
8. Doesn’t it get boring?
How could traveling be boring? Everything is new all the time, including the people, what you see, what you smell and what you taste. If we get bored, we can just pack up and move on. This is the fantastic thing about traveling alone!
9. What about your family and friends back home?
Sometimes being away from friends and family is hard. Homesickness can and will hit on the road, it’s one of the symptoms of traveling, especially solo.
But the amazing thing is, when it’s a really deep friendship we will nurture it no matter what. Personally, even after six years of traveling, when I come home I always make a point of seeing my friends, and they make it a point to see me. The time that I spend with my loved ones is so much richer because we know we have to make it count.
10. When are you going to stop and settle down?
These two words, settle, and down, both sound pretty awful! I’ve got a lot of thoughts on this whole ‘settling down’ topic and I just want to say on behalf of all of us, nobody needs to worry about if or when any of us solo female travelers feels like settling down! It’ll happen when it’s meant to and if it’s not then it won’t. Thankfully this is not the ‘50s anymore and we can do what we want, so might as well take advantage, no?
There are families who live and work abroad, and even nomadic families. There are so many different ways to live life than the traditional methods, so expand your horizons!
Overall, we know that most of the time these questions don’t come from a place of resentment, but rather pure curiosity. As solo female travelers, we have a unique opportunity to educate people about the changing world we live in, and the opportunities becoming more and more available to women.
So even though these questions can sometimes be invasive and annoying, pretty much every woman who travels alone has heard at least a few or all of them! Am I right girls? Do you get asked these questions too? Let me know in the comments below if there are any additional ones that I missed!
GG says
Hey Kristin and BMTM team:
Here are some questions my female traveling friends have gotten, they get a lot of them:
1. How do you deal with the language barrier?
2. Why do you go to countries where women are not treated well?
3. How can you travel to some of these countries when you have or your child has bad allergies, like peanut allergies? Or you have a special dietary restriction? (kosher, vegan, gluten free, etc.)
4. How can you do this with children? I know several who are married with children.
5. This one, is for real: How do you deal with hygiene, and in remote countries, your monthly? (they also worry about health care)
6. Why are you doing this? (More women than men get this, like it is a problem)
In the end, though, my traveling friends get a lot of support from their loved ones and friends! If there was a problem with friends and family it was because there was a problem already there before traveling. You actually can learn more about how real your friends are this way. Happy travels!
Kristin says
1. Mime
2. That’s a broad generalization, one could argue we’re not treated well in the US.
3. Learn how to communicate your allergy in the local language. Jodi of legalnomads.com has done this with Celaic’s disease
4. I don’t have any so IDK! People do it all the time, though.
5. You shower just like the locals do.
6. For funsies
GG says
Love your response to question #6 :). Number 5 is cute too, you actually provided great advice regarding item #5 in some of your past posts regarding preparing for adventure travel too, but it apparently is asked too much :). Lastly, thanks so much for suggesting Jodi regarding gluten allergies, this is great stuff Kristin! I consider this question the most reasonable of the ones I had on the list.
My best friend Colleen has a son with peanut allergies and posts things about it on her private site with some advice and they go everywhere. Another great, public site discussing this is Earth Trekkers. You know what seems the number one worry/annoyance for those with peanut allergies who travel all the time? Not the destination, not if you are solo or not, female or male, but the plane flights! I did not realize this until recently. Being stuck in an enclosed space with people who could be eating peanut laden food plus they might serve peanuts. Fortunately more and more flights and airlines are peanut-free and there are sites that can provide you information on airlines that are better about this plus any other common sense measures you can take. I personally like it when they do that, they now offer Kashi and Kind bars on my short flights which I like much better, ha! Anyhow, thanks for the reply!
Dylan says
I’m so glad I haven’t been asked some of these! Although hearing about the “I can’t believe you let your daughter do that” comments that my parents get is always a treat. The question I’ve always gotten when I tell people I’m going on a long trip is “Why?”, closely followed by “So who are you going with?”
Kristin says
OMG parent shaming is real! I think my mom has been getting more admiration from her friends but I could see others letting their fears play out and judging parents for letting their kids travel. I didn’t even think of that UGH.
GG says
Yeah, it is real alright. People love to tell others how to raise their children in the first place, so this provides unfortunately an avenue to judge even more :(. However, at the same time, you get some people who think it is the coolest thing in the world. Dylan, I think your parents are really cool and happy travels!
Sam says
As a (frequent) solo traveler who is male, I can say I get asked most of the questions you list above—certainly the ones about finances, settling down, having a relationship, and being lonely. Generally no one asks me about being scared, and I am willing to wager that the “safety question” has the biggest gender disparity among the things you mention.
Probably there is a gender skew in the frequency or brazenness with which male vs female solo travelers are asked these questions, but for what it’s worth I think anyone—male or female—who bucks convention has to endure a certain amount of slightly incredulous scrutiny from those with more “mainstream” proclivities.
Kristin says
True I’m sure you do get a lot of these questions as well. As a woman I can only tell from my perspective, but it’s interesting to know that guys also get asked!
Lynne says
Great list Kristin! I get asked that safety thing a lot. As a 52 year old, single woman, I don’t get asked some of the other questions. But people where I’m from (OHIO) don’t get the whole location independent how can you afford to travel. It’s hard to explain. While I’m not quite there yet (location independent), I’m working toward it. But it’s a hard one for many folks to grasp. I really try to emphasize, as you do, how kind people are in the world, and how the world is far safer than we are lead to believe. I’ll be sharing this post with my peeps! Thanks!
Kristin says
I find at the end of it, we can just show by example that it’s possible, and that can be so motivating and inspiring for others.
Skoenish says
In addition to the ones you posted I get:
1. So if you are travelling alone who is taking you pictures?
Don’t you worry that men will be scared of you and no one will want to settle down with you?
Kristin says
UGH! If any man is scared of me then I’m so glad I weeded him out, right?!
stephanie says
Great article. I have a lot of friend that travel a lot, so they understand why i travel so much (alone). But my collegues at work dont get it. They dont understand why i like to be alone in a different country far away from friends and family….. So ive chosen to just not be bothered by it too much and keep my worklife and travellife a bit seperate. No idela but hey..dealing with the situations.
beth says
If I had a dollar for every time someone said to me “and your boyfriend let you come here? by yourself?” I get this from Americans and Europeans so it’s not a cultural thing.
I remember reading about the tragic death of an American journalist in Istanbul and so many of the comments were “my husband would never let me go” and “I would never allow my wife to do such a thing.” It angers me so much, like autonomy can get thrown out the window anytime.
My boyfriend and I have been together a long time but he doesn’t like traveling. We found a compromise and I go by myself. He has never had to give permission to me(though there are 3 countries in the world I have agreed not to go to because he says that he would be seriously concerned about my safety and I respect that-it steal leaves me with quite a few).
I am lucky to never had any bad or scary experience while traveling(weather issues and food poisoning happen, but none of them were going to kill me or cause long term harm), but I am also an intelligent woman who holds my head up high and practices basic common sense.
No one lets me do anything, I was raised this way and I started traveling by myself after my father passed to places he wanted to one day visit but never had the chance. I known he is proud of me and what I have done and no one is going to limit that!
I also get asked who takes the pictures a lot! I usually offer to take a picture for people and they naturally ask if they can return the favor.
Kristin says
Yeah that’s a weird question, but I do like being able to say that I make my own choices. If nothing else, it shows that there’s someone out there calling her own shots and maayyyybe it makes a small impact. It’s a bummer than any relationships become so controlling that people aren’t allowed to do things like go places alone….yikes.
Majdouline says
More than all your travelling tips, what I do enjoy most is your state of mind. The depth of your reflexion 🙂
Kristin says
Aw thank you